by Your Favorite Philosopher
Note from Brioche: I've already shared this with the lovely Patrons, but with the news that my wonderful in-house philosopher (Literally "in-house." He's my brother) is going to be providing content for us again, I'm releasing his short and delightful reflection on the bomb-pop.
Please note: my little brother is 20. He is a child.
Here it is. You're welcome.
I probably speak for everyone when I say that Bomb-Pops are the pinnacle of summer days in the sweltering heat. I, like many other Americans, frequently find myself enjoying a patriotic frozen snack on a midsummer day, when I one day noticed the iconic treats' biggest and most glaring flaw.
The flavor order, as you surely know, starts with Cherry (red), then Lime (white), to finally, Blue Raspberry. Red, white, and blue. The American flag. The patriot's favorite snack food.
But here's the dilemma: that order is completely abysmal and preposterous and dreadful and atrocious and appalling and lamentable. Lime is easily the best of the three flavors, yet it is sandwiched awkwardly in between its two lackluster, inferior counterparts. The cherry red being first is fine. We like the cherry. But the lime being placed in the middle makes it impossible to apply the "save the best for last" philosophy. You are obligated to consume the cherry red first in order to get to the delectable lime, but once you have savored the majesty that is the middle section, you are only greeted with the immense disappointment that is Blue Raspberry, knowing it will never be as great as the Lime.
Think about it: when people search "Bomb-Pop" on Google, do you know what the second most popular search is after the patriotic treat itself? "Bomb-Pop middles." Coincidence? I think not.
Even "bomb popsicle" is not searched as frequently as "bomb pop middles." Again...
I rest my case.