Ernest Hemingway In An 8am Psychology Lecture

Ernest Hemingway In An 8am Psychology Lecture

Updated: Mar 16

by Rebecca Karpen

For purchase: infant slippers. Not utilized.

“I don’t know why I have such an aversion to adjectives. All I know is I hate adjectives and also women. All women are adjectives and all adjectives are women--”


“Mr. Hemingway, please sit down, this is a psychology class, not therapy--”


“I did not pay 71k a year to NOT talk about the fact that I am a sad white man in front of 130 of my closest friends.”


“Mr. Hemingway, it’s 8am, please don’t make this any harder on us than it would be otherwise--”


“Hard! You know what doesn’t get me hard? Adjectives! Hate those bitches. Also, literal bitches, like women.”


“Mr. Hemingway, you’ve been speaking for 25 minutes on a disruptive tangent of no educational value, whatsoever! Just because you’re in Tisch does not mean that you get to waste the rest of your class’s tuition!”


“Shut up, woman.”


“Out, Hemingway!”


“FINE, I WILL GATHER MY THINGS AND LEAVE! I HOPE YOU ALL ENDURE A CRIPPLING FEAR OF DYING ON A RAINY DAY WHICH YOU BRING UP CONSTANTLY AND THEN YOU DIE ON A RAINY DAY TO NO ONE’S SURPRISE AT ALL! THAT’S NOT A METAPHOR! I DON’T BELIEVE IN THOSE!”


“Okay class, now that that little episode is over, we can continue making our way through Freud.”


“Can I ask a question about Penis envy?”


“Go ahead, Mr. Fitzgerald.”

"I would do a dick pic [as the post cover photo], but I think that would be frowned upon."


-Brioche


Other Posts by Rebecca:

One Glass of Rosé


About Rebecca:

Rebecca Karpen is obsessed with the dog-walking metaphor at the end of the pilot of “Dawson’s Creek.” She also writes sad songs and is currently working on academic articles about Taylor Swift and the representation of non-Jewish marginalized groups in Yiddish theater. These are not the same article. Find her here:


Instagram: @karplikethefishbutwrong


Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/spacetimekarpenuum/


Bandcamp: https://rebeccakarpenexists.bandcamp.com/


You can also find her on Spotify, Deezer, Youtube Music, Apple Music/ iTunes, Tidal, and Google Play.


#satire #humor #hemingway #fitzgerald #penisenvy


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