I Love Babies So Much, I'll Fucking Murder Yours: A Letter From a Neighbor

I Love Babies So Much, I'll Fucking Murder Yours: A Letter From a Neighbor

Updated: Mar 16

by Bryanna Gary


As someone who abhors murder and values all human life, I will fucking murder your entire stupid family for getting an abortion.

Photo from Wix

Dear Ms. And Mrs. Fitzgerald,


Welcome to the neighborhood! I would have been there to greet you in person when you first moved in, but I’m an activist and was attending a rally just outside of Gadsden. That’s one thing you should know about this neighborhood right off the bat! We love getting involved in our community! And we fucking hate baby-killers.


I took the liberty of looking you up on Facebook and noticed that you have a beautiful little boy and girl! How sweet! If you’re ever looking for some friends close by, my husband and I have been looking for a nice family to have play dates with for our three boys Abel, Ezekiel, and Gabriel, and they would love to have some new friends to hang out with. It would be a shame for them to lose out on the chance to fit in with the other kids because of the sinful decisions of their heathen parents.


Now as a young couple moving into the neighborhood, I know you’re only just preparing to have your third child. I noticed while walking by your home a few days ago that your trash was full and decided to do a quick dive to see if I can gather some information to help you on your journey. I found the pregnancy test, and I am absolutely thrilled for you. I’m also happy to help you make any preparations that you need to. Because you are having this child.


If you're looking to have twins or triplets, I really recommend eating apples and pomegranates as much as possible. I would also recommend attending United Christian Church so He can bless your beautiful fetus with His love and grace. Because God created church, not abortion clinics, and if I find out that you ever stepped foot in one of those God-forbidden baby-killing machines, then you can say goodbye to little Melanie and Georgie, you sinful, baby-murdering bitch.


The pastor of our church, Reverend Michaels, is also a practicing physician who I’m sure would be more than happy to have you as his patient. He specializes in more healthy, natural treatment options and doesn’t subscribe to sinful and unnatural poisons like birth control. I’ve included his name, number and address in the envelope so you can get in touch with him, because I’m trusting that a sweet, God-fearing couple like you would never betray God and nature that way, right? Because if you do, you don’t deserve children. I will kill your fucking children.


I think that’s it for now. I would love to get a chance to meet you in person as soon as I get back home! There’s been a string of women going to the Planned Parenthood outside of town and I’ve been picketing the place for the past three days. Like I said, we love to get involved in our communities!


I’ve enclosed my name, number, and address in this letter as well. Give me a call anytime. I’ve already made a copy of your key so I can get in your home and murder your fucking children if I ever find out you use birth control or condoms, so you’d might as well invite me over for tea and cookies sometime!


Welcome to the neighborhood!


Yours Truly,


Charlene


#satire #politics #politicalsatire #abortion #abortiondebate #neighbors #murder #letter #neighbors #satiricalletter #satirical_letter #dontatmeimturningoffthecomments


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